free from sin

Not me. Not by any means. But I am free from judgement today, my judgement that is. I am free from the thoughts that have been beating inside my head for the last three weeks. The attack has been non-stop, and keeps me awake like someone endlessly popping bubblewrap. Pop. Pop. Pop-pop-pa-pa-Pop! A barrage of machine gunners killing the last traces of my sanity. And I am free from the reproachful eye that casts it's glare upon me, ever watchful.

Thanks God Almight, I'm free at last.

I honestly think that I've been too harsh on myself lately. And it's not that I've been necessarily disappointed in my actions or words - but that I've been striving too hard. I've been squinting into the sunset, hoping to catch a glimpse of the immortal cherub making his way towards the heavens. And I've been honestly disappointed when I've come up empty handed on all counts. I've often said that I'm a dreamer, but I do not assume the fruition of those dreams. Lately, I have. Lately I've found myself thinking of endless tomorrows that bear no resemblance to this reality. Not only do I believe that these alternate universes are possible (note that I'm an absurdist) but I have gotten it inside me that they are concrete.

Needless to say, this has caused a bit of grief and general manic behavior. But today I've given up my despair by way of losing my desires, and I've found a much happier me.

And Priests in black gowns were walking their rounds,
And binding with briars my joys and desires.
~William Blake, Garden of Love (ln. 11-12)