delusional daze

I spent the majority of the day yesterday huddled into a sweaty ball on my couch. Nyquil really is God's gift to the sick. There were hours of listless dozing, in and out of sleep, until I couldn't tell the real world from the dream world. Now, this wasn't some mighty sickness come over me, really. It was just a cold - a regular head cold turned chest cold turned fever. Not something to get your panties in a bunch over. But the infection coupled with the plethora of drugs I was on did make for a fantastic day of the surreal.

I remember dreaming that my mother was dying. She was lying there, old and paper thin. I was holding her hand while she turned from side to side, quietly moaning. She started to pull herself up by the strength of my arm and she beckoned to me with her free hand. She was trying to tell me something, trying to give me her final words. And then it was all wrong. It was me in the bed with my son hanging over me. It was by his strength that I motivated my self upwards. It was by his strength that I told him that I loved him.

I also dreamt about Chica yesterday -- but that's a different story altogether. I'm not sure how to feel about her right now. My faith in the absurd is wavering. Plus she's acting quite contradictory to herself, her beliefs. Hypocrisy is one trait that I cannot live with - it's dishonesty at it's worst. I guess that I should just let her go -- go little bird and fly away. It's hard growing away from your bestfriend. It's even harder when it's by choice and not by circumstance. I don't know -- maybe I'm just being a hoser because I know that she's leaving in less than a year and I'm afraid that she's going to move to Texas and never look back. I'm afraid that she's going to up and forget about me and then I'll be left here all alone, without any idea on which way to turn. So much of my life is entangled with hers; it's just scary being that close to a person.

. . . .

and on a lighter note. . .

I fell all better today. Well, not all better, but mostly better with some cough still lingering. There's little that a day of rest can't repair. (and some Nyquil)

and the carpets are getting steam cleaned in the apartment today. Yesterday evening G and I spent some time straightening up and vacuuming so the cleaners could come in and have an easy job today. I hope everything turns out well.

Today is the first day of Autumn!!! This is absolutely my favorite time of the year. There are trees turning shades of fantastic colors, cool breezes, long walks with good friends, good hot coffee outside, apples, and of course school started today. I miss going to classes.

ah well, such is life.

-d.