:ph34r:

I was going to treat you all to the second part of the story I posted yesterday (entitled CASHVILLE), but it's been a busy day here at work and I needed to take a minute to clear these aching thoughts from my head.

I've been harboring a lot of fear lately. And I don't really have anyone that I want to talk to about this -- mostly because the person that I would normally talk to is involved. heh. That does tend to mess things up a bit.

So,

• I'm afraid that I might say something that's going to tear everything apart.
• I'm afraid that I won't say anything at all.
• I'm afraid that I've not loved enough.
• I'm afraid that I've loved way too much.
• I'm afraid that this is all for nothing.
• I'm afraid that I've been changed forever, and that I may never recover.
• I'm afraid of saying yes and I'm afraid of saying no.
• I'm afraid that you won't understand.
• I'm afraid that you'll understand all too well.
• I'm afraid that I'll hurt you.
• I'm afraid of yesterday, today and what tomorrow has yet to bring.

And, that's only scratching the surface. All of this comes out of anger and frustration and an aching heart. And I want you to understand that I'm not intentionally being mean -- There's just too much that's too wrong with this relationship for it to be a good thing.

I hate fear.