Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Sailing Away

Sail Away With Me by David Grey

Sail away with me, honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times I've tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little Darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

I've been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
. . . . . . .

I was listening to White Ladder on my way to work this morning, and thinking about the connected content of a lot of male-written blogs I've read lately. It seems that we all have something in common. Something I'm quite sure is not a good thing -- it's not really a bad joint either, just a swamp of mediocrity.

It seems that upon entering out mid-twenties laziness and apathy started taking over, and the passion that we had previously expressed towards changing the world had vanished like a fart in the wind. Perhaps it's the mundane activity that we face of the work world. Upon leaving school, one is forced to find a job. Whether or not that job lines up with our personal goals has little relevance on if we can or cannot pay the rent and afford to eat. After spending a few years simply working to meet ends, the hope for a better tomorrow starts to dwindle. After all, we watched our fathers bitch and complain about being stuck in the same crappy positions for the last twenty years. Why should we assume our fate to be any different?

So we fill our time with 'drunken gibberish.' Some of us more literally than others. And amidst all the useless talk we begin to doubt even our own words, seeing as how they've betrayed us as liars just years before. I didn't fly to England and spend that year backpacking around Europe. I didn't write that first novel before I turned twenty-three. I didn't take the time to make every second of love count. I lied about all those things. And now, I am left with self-doubt. I've stopped asking myself if my goals are attainable, because I fail to even work towards completing any of them. I'm not even sure what I want to do anymore. Sometimes, I fail to even recognize who I've become.

The nail in the coffin is love. And I'm not going to whine about my love life here (or lack thereof.) But I do want to say that it's not appetizing any longer. There's no excitement - not even in the chase. This is not to say that I've stopped valuing love, or that I don't need your love to get along - it is, in fact, the only thing that keeps me going. But I remember a time that I wanted to love everyone and everything. I wanted to suffocate in the love of the world. And when I look in my heart where that longing used to be, there's just this numbness that says "I'm here. Still beating, but I'm not sure why."

The problem with the title of this post is that I don't think escapism is the answer. Neither is more apathy. The only other problem is that I can't find the motivation in myself to change or do anything at all. So this isn't a cry for sympathy, or a chance for you to say, "ahhh, chin up there buckeroo." Maybe like Brandon said, just come over and kick me until I get up and do something. heh.

-d.

1 Comments:

Blogger Di said...

I've not yet written my novel ... and I am nearly 40 years old! And that is the only goal I can ever remember having, ever ... I simply never put a time frame on that goal. (Perhaps I should have? Nah!)

So, sometime during my (God-willing) second 40 years, I will write my novel. My first novel, that is -- and hopefully sooner than later, so I can enjoy the rewards longer!

: )

And for what it's worth, Dan: I think you AND your writing are anything BUT "a swamp of mediocrity."

Though, when it comes to David Gray, I much prefer "Babylon."

"Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now."

(Feel it NOW!)

: )

9:37 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home