I wanna go home

I know - I moved back a few months ago - and I'm here right now, sitting in my parent's living room, typing this entry from their keyboard. But sometime between here and there this stopped being my home and became my parent's house.

And I want my stuff! All of my stuff! Some of which I haven't seen for nearly two and a half years! I know that I'm not really all bent out of shape about possessions, but I really do want all my stuff -- my books and all my clothes and my dishes! I want it.

But I suppose that's not really what I'm whining about tonight. I suppose this latest installment of bitching is about not having my friends around me. I'm a family person, and when I left my family I started building a new one -- and now I've left them, not talked to some of them at all in over five months. I guess that it really hit me over the holiday, that it's as if they were never there.

and I'm feeling a little alone.


ugh - I should just go to sleep now. Monday is fast approaching and we all have to go back to hell work tomorrow.

so even though I couldn't call -- I miss you.
-d.

passing through

I just wanted to post this for my own sake. . .really I'm just passing through.

of all the dreams i've had (not much, but), these were out of reach. so to speak. for what i can recall, there was always this distance. this big gap in between you and me. from where i stand and observe you, you're always there. smiling, happy. just the way i like the way you are. but when i try to get near, it's useless. you'll be going off elsewhere, but you're still happy, still smiling. there's not a moment when you're beside me, or i'm beside you. there's not a moment that we're even close. maybe it's because we never really talk, but this is definitely different. like, this unapproachable kind of thing, you know? like whatever could happen, won't. but then again, i don't know. my dreams have always been offbeat, even though they seem real.

from sitting, waiting, wishing

perhaps a longer post about CST before (or during) the weekend.

late,
-d.