momentary lapse of reason

All of the sudden, I feel like dying. I feel desperation sneaking up inside me, swelling, begging to be set free. I know that I won’t do it. That I cannot, will not, give myself into that lesser emotion, but it does not change the fact that it’s there, deep within.

Am I foolish to think that I’m on the path that destiny has chosen for me? Am I foolish for letting fate take the fall for all my iniquities and the consequences of the million poor decisions I’ve made? Do I spit in God’s face, and my own, when I chalk this life up to circumstance and not the free will of this man?

In many ways I am still but a boy, a sapling yet to grow into a tree, but here I am a man with a man’s responsibilities. This is my life, chosen by me or some other thing, for I have not words to describe such a malicious being, that gnaws at a man’s heart and steals his secret aspirations while he is not aware.

Do you do you still dream of great things? Do you chance to love and be loved and to live life for what it is worth? For life is worth all life, and both end in death – reward or recompense, decisions again.

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not a journal entry folks, but more of what I call conscience writing. no worries, enjoy!