This Week/Weak

Ah, this has been toilsome. My mind is still intact, and that I am thankful for. The peace waivers, but I suppose that's about all that I can ask for. The moments that are wrapped up in those silver shivers tend to be brief and usually only happen when I am too wrapped up in myself -- it's a bad place to be, inside me.

I often wonder if it is the lack of sleep that makes me this way, or if it is really my current state that offers me no respite in the wee hours. Chica and I have been at ends with one another, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Hell hath no fury and whatnot. Well, there is purpose in everything, especially those things that we don't quite understand. and I guess, that somehow, all of this draws me back into the absurd. It is a comfort, being a witness to irrationality.

I find the voice of God in every direction I turn. The thought that frightens me the most is that I'm not sure if I'm seeking that direction, or if I am constantly running away from it. I think probably the latter, and that is upsetting. I guess there is some solace in the fact that my fleeing has been exceptionally miscarried -- He does not seem to want to leave me lieing here, face down in the mud.