re-reflections

I started out to write this great long post yesterday, but I couldn't. I searched and searched for the perfect quotations to preface my thoughts, from Fear and Trembling and The Brothers Karamazov, and then I sat and stared at them. I must have read those six pages at least fifty times. And at first I was afraid to write what I was thinking - afraid of sharing that with the world, even though I don't really tell many of my RL friends about this place. It's like a fellow apple just wrote, I just don't feel comfortable sharing all those thoughts. It can be dangerous to a friendship sometimes, just letting the words fly. But I've been breaking that rule lately. and I've told a few people about this space. and I'm sure that a few of them could have figured it out anyway -- I go by taliendo pretty much everywhere on the web.

In the long run, I'm glad that I didn't write what I wanted to say. Most of the time it's not like that, but I had a bit of time last night to rehash with some old ghosts. It was a barrage of spirits that I thought I had laid waste to years ago. They tend to stick around, silent most of the time, and then start whispering in my ear. When I finally fell asleep last night, there was distinct feeling of discombobulation hanging in the air. and whenI awoke this morning there was a heaviness, weighed on my heart.

I'm kind of unsure where to take all this. I know this is just another thing that's going to pass, be it in a day, a week or a month. I feel weak today. weak and unsure of myself. I want to draw a line in the sand - I'll stand on this side and you on the other.

hmmm...maybe a four lines. I'll make a box and sleep there tonight.

-d.