WEEKEND UPDATE

with Tina Fey.

heh. That woman rocks.

So, Thanksgiving was a blast. I'm not going to go into a bunch of details, but it was a lot of good family time and whatnot. I got to eat like I've never eaten before (well, at least for a couple of years) and I got to play music with Rhino and my G-pa and my little brother. We're a regular ole bluegrass band in the making.

Plus it was my five year highschool reunion this past weekend. When I first received the invitation I was pretty excited to perhaps see some of my old friends and catch up on what's been going on in their lives over the last few years. Unfortunately, none of the people that I really wanted to see showed up. Well, except Adam and his fiance Bethany. It's always good to see those kids. I did get to have a few drinks and tell the people that I didn't like in highschool that I still don't care for them (they were the same uppity bitches as I remembered them.) That pulled a few chucks from the people standing around. heh.

Yes, the weekend was good. and fast. And now it's Tuesday and I'm back at work. Back to the regular old life of work-couch-sleep.

It's a good life.
-d.

blurple

It's kind of a mix of blue and purple.

My eyes see differently than other's, as I've had a red/green color deficiency all my life. It was apparent early on, and my mother and I used to have long arguements over what T-shirt matched the navy blue sweat pants that I was wearing to school that day. Second grade can be a tough time for a kid. But, after a few months of bickering every morning over whether the shirt in question actually blue or purple, she grew tired and allowed me to dress in whatever ragamuffin combination I wanted to wear. I can't remember ever being made fun of because my shirt didn't match.

This, of course, has lead to a disaster of tastes as an adult. What's more awful is that I can't really hide behind my genetic defect any longer, since I long ago learned to tell the difference between violet and indigo; even though my indigo and your indigo are respectfully different. It has now been too long burned into my psyche and I don't really care if my green pants (I really think that they're gray) do not match my navy and gray sweater. It doesn't matter to me. To make this painfully clear to everyone around me I accompany this outfit with brown shoes and a black belt.

That'll teach them.

heh. At least I no longer wear sweatpants. No, I prefer nice cottony pajama bottoms or a plain pair of black scrubs. Light and Comfy is truly, where it's at. And when I'm lounging around the house in my pj's and long sleeve SpongeBob T-shirt, I feel happy. It's like this odd sense of dress is sort of a moniker of mine, a signature if you will.

-d.

Will the Circle?

With the onset of this holiday season, I have found myself wrapped up in childlike excitement. I'm not sure if it's simply because I am becoming older, or if it's something about this particular year that has risen this renewed sense of thanksgiving.

During my college years the holidays were a much needed respite from studies and classes and the basic whirlwind that is the college life. This year is the first year that I'm not already caught up in a bustle -- but I feel the bustle surely catching up to me. Well, truthfully, last year was my first year to be not so busy. It was going to be my first really adult holiday season and I was a recently unemployed youngin'. But last year my Grandpa, my Pops, spent the greater part of the holiday season between hospitals and nursing homes. My family and I were blessed to spend one more Thanksgiving with him, even though he was too sick to really enjoy the festivities (or the food.) And by the time Christmas rolled around we were waiting for him to die. The questions (the hope) no longer really lingered in anyone's mind. Since the holiday cheer never really had the opportunity to sink in, the season quickly departed without so much as a whisper. I don't even really remember Christmas.

This year has been a lot of fresh starts, I suppose. I got a job. Yah! and everything is going pretty well in my life. I like where I am, and I like where I think I'm going. I have a lot to be thankful for: my life and health, my family, my friends. This year has been mostly free from a lot of the strains and stresses that I've always carried with me. I don't really know what changed, but whatever straw broke that camel's back I am thankful for too. I've found it quite easy to lay down my strife and worries lately, and that, in turn, has lead me to a greater ability to deal with my problems in a more logical and realistic way. Plus, I'm really looking forward to the loooong weekend ahead. I don't get enough time to spend with family, and I'm happy to see and visit with them, all of them, soon.
. . . .
And on another note:

The Buckeyes kicked some major ass this past Saturday! The OSU/Michigan game, the biggest college rivalry that I've ever witnessed, was in full swing over the weekend. Now, as I've said before, I'm not really all that in to sports. That said, it is impossible to live in Columbus, Ohio during football season and not be caught up in the football craze. And yes, the Buckeyes had a pretty shitty season this year. The entire season, people were walking around on Monday mornings looking as if they all had to go out and shoot Old Yeller over the weekend. But today it has been a complete turn around: co-workers are smiling and high-fiving in the hallways!

It's a good time to be a Buckeye!

-d.

A Very Wet Friday

Today is just wet. That is the perfect word for today.

And all the things that associate with wet. Damp. Dark. Dreary. A mass collection of D-words. I suppose that wet could be a good thing too, (don't worry, I won't go there) but that's not the definition that I have in my head. It's a cold/wet. not cheery at all.

Usually, I really like the rain, but today I'm just tired of it. It's making me sleepy. And, I know that I've been a huge whiney-ass lately. for that, I'm sorry.

. . . . . .

So I paid out $120 at lunch today. Money out of Dan's pocket. That didn't put a huge rainbow in my sky either. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can never get ahead with my finances. It's a skill that I've never really had. I don't budget. I don't keep a ledger. Hell, I don't even deal with banks anymore (they've taken quite enough money from me, thanks.) Not that it isn't all my fault.

I don't want you to think that it's because I'm incompetant either. It's partly because I'm lazy and partly because of who I am. Money doesn't really mean anything to me (although, it has proved to come in handy from time to time.) And so I don't really worry too much about it. I don't use credit - so, there's that. I pay my bills, nearly always on time, and I spend whatever I have left.

I guess that's the area in which I fall short. Buying stuff will be the death of me. And I don't buy stuff that I can keep (besides the occasional piece of clothing and whatnot.) I would say a good 95% of my money goes to bills and consumable items. So in the end, I don't have anything to show for the money that I make. Besides living. Living a fairly comfortable life, right now too. And I've been enjoying that.

Apparently too much. heh.

Ah, well -- thanks for listening to yet another bitch session from yours truly. I'm thinking that I feel better already. . .

-d.

ps. a post on eternity and the origin of that philosphy this weekend. (NO MORE RANTS!)

lazy-fingers

I don't know what just happened, but I had a nice long post here and all of the sudden ZAP! and it was gone.

Maybe this is an indication that y'all are tired of my blather. heh.

or, perhaps I shall revisit those thoughts a little later. ah, well. Lunch for now!

-d.

Looking Forward

I took a sick day yesterday. I'm beginning to think that I should have taken today off as well. The word is: don't eat at sketchy Chinese resteraunts. It's definitely not worth it.

Other than that, I've had a bit of time to think. Between trips to the commode. And I think that I need to take a page from a friend's book and keep some more time to myself. I've not been all that productive in my private life as of lately. I need to do more writing and less social activities. Living it up is good and all - it's been a lot of fun lately, going out with friends, drinking, having a social life for the first time in a year - but it has taken a toll on me. Physically and financially.

Plus it's O-State v. Michigan weekend. crazy times to be in Columbus, Ohio. I've never been much of a football fan - hell, sports in general don't really do anything for me. But it only takes a few months of football fever in this mid-Ohio city for it to catch on, especially at the end of the season. This is the biggest game of the year, and the festivities make it loads of fun.

and next weekend is Turkey Time! I'm excited for the holidays to be here this year. I'm single this year and have been enjoying being with my family for family's sake and not for some pretensious facade of parading around a potential mate. I hate the coy introductions and everyone's inquiring stares from across the room. Plus this is the first year in forever that I'm not working in some kind of retail setting. It should make Christmas tenfold more enjoyable. So, I'm breaking out the Nat King Cole and Louis Armstrong albums and breaking in the x-mas cheer.

I hope it all goes as well as I know it can. and even if it doesn't, there's always Taft to look forward to.
. . . . .
And on another note:

Happy Hump Day!
-d.

mush (pt. 2) a bitch session

Well, now they've gone and done it. My brain is fine and my body is mush. Seriously!

I was supposed to have the day off today. Not literally off - I still had to come in to work, but everyone in the company was supposed to be offsite at an all day meeting. I drew the long straw and had to stay back to tend to the skeleton crew of workers left here to keep the business in swing. It was my main duty to set up for the worker's lunch, hand out lunches, and tear down. This all will take an hour and a half.

Not. even. close.

I walked in five minutes late and the phone was already ringing. I didn't let that stifle my good mood though, I figured the first hour or so would be hectic trying to get everyone shuffled out, loaded on buses, and on their merry ways. After the choas, I was going to get a long breather.

Well, what happened was everyone was late and departure was set back. Then my help didn't show up at 9:30 like she was supposed to and so I delivered four buildings worth of mail sans assistance. Then I set up for lunch and took my first smoke of the day. It was a glorious smoke. Bridget and I got to be lunch nazi's "NO SOUP FOR YOU!" and then I tore down the set up and headed back to eat my already cold lunch. Twenty minutes later -- EVERYONE CAME BACK! I was supposed to have another hour and a half before anyone was going to arrive! Thus my day was ruined. No time to read. No time to write. No slacking allowed, whatsoever.

And to top it all off, I pinched my middle finger so hard that I thought that I fractured it. but it's ok, or will be as soon as the swelling goes down.

-d.

mush

My brain is mush today.

that's all.

A Chilly Walk on the Sabbath

I started a new book last night. The kind you have to write in order to read later. It's always exciting to me, starting a new notebook - it's an opportunity for a fresh outlook on life. It's a blue book this time, with blue-lined pages, written in blue ink. The blue notebook. Maybe I'll find something more than sorrow in those blue stained pages.

I also had a vision last night. It was a bit wierd (as visions tend to be.) You see, I've been spending some time lately dwelling on my own mortality, trying to connect with the visceral part of me - the flesh. I know some people that have a hard time connecting with the spiritual side of the world, even the spiritual side of themselves, but I'm the polar opposite. Most days, my thoughts reside in the eternal, lost and wandering in my dreams, and all too often I have troubles connecting back to this life - to the here and now of things. Lately I've spent some minutes counting the heartbeats in my ear drums and listening to breaths bated in the back of my throat. I think that Autumn is a good time to remember that we are from the earth, and that it is to this earth that we will return.

So, like I said, I had a vision last night. I was meditating when behind my closed eyes the darkness began to quiver. At first, the picture was blurry as if a child had dropped a single penny into a wishing fountain. The blurred lines bobbed along the darkness like waves in that tiny pool to form two small windows, skewed in opposite corners of my mind. The frames were bent into nearly perfect trapezoids and they were incased in brilliant white light. At first I thought that perhaps I was looking through a cloudy puddle; as my sight cleared, I realized that I was clearly staring through a reflection, albeit a dark one.

I'm not sure what the whole thing means. I'm not sure I've ever seen anything that I've really understood. And I'm sure after reading that last paragraph a few of you are going to say, "That boy, he's a bit off his rocker." and my answer would have to be, "yes. why, yes I am." And that's ok by me. I know that the whole thing left me fairly restless. I carried myself to the bathroom afterwards and proceeded to cut at my beard. (I've always found that cutting your hair is a great release of emotional build-up.) And I dwelt on the fact that I have been spending a lot of time with my own mortality and not a lot of time talking to God. Frankly, I'm a bit afraid of what He might have to say right now and so I've had a hard time opening my heart at all.

The whole experience left me disconnected from myself once again, and I had a hard time getting to sleep after that. There were all these images in my head - from the past and some from the near future - but, like I said before, I've always been a bit of a dreamer. I prefer to dwell there, in the not so distant land-o-make believe.

Mr. Rogers would have sure been proud.
-d.

T.G.I.F.

Well, thank God it's finally Friday. We made it!!!! congratulations to all. :)

This week has been. . .well, horrible. It's been uber-busy here at work and I'm afraid that my boss hasn't been pulling my leg about the remainder of the year being a blur of work. I really don't mind all that much, as it keeps my mind from less gratifying thoughts (about our "president.") sorry, had to get one in there.

. . .

The weekend's looking rather boring. Can you tell I'm excited?!? I love having free time to hang out with a friend that might just pop by, and if not I get to sit at home and relax with some of my favorite books. I just like having no plans. Plans are overrated. I usually end up having ten times the better time when it all comes together spontaneously.

Well, I just didn't want this space to go blank today. I'm trying to write a little bit (somewhere) every day, and here of late this blog has been the place to do it. I enjoy the freedom that I have here. Sometimes I can come in and post something that's profound and important in my life, and other times you just get blather. heh. So, I guess this is blather.

heh,
-d.

REM Cycles

It was just as hard to get to sleep last night. I think it's probably because I spent most of the day yesterday trying to wake up from this living nightmare. The world's been turned upside down and we now live in Topsy-Turvey land. Welcome to the evil Empire of Bush.

I've had a lot of zany ideas about what to do in response to this fumbled election. I thought about walking to DC in protest -- but I figure I probably wouldn't get there until about February, and it's real cold outside. So, instead, I thought that I might ride a donkey. maybe a donkey pulling a dead elephant. That would definitely take a little help from the man upstairs. I also thought about writing a letter to the president, offering him my stake in the country. I mean, if he's going to do everything he can to remain in power, then the man may as well declare himself dictator. After that, I'm moving to Canada. or Belize. yeah, Belize would be pretty nice this time of year. Plus, when Armegeddon starts. . . I don't want to be around here. ;)

Truthfully though, my greatest hope lies in the fact that good ole Bush will probably have himself a nice little vacation now that the campaign is over. Maybe he'll take a couple of months off and give the world a moment to breath and catch up with itself. I know that we could all use a month or two to stock up on can goods and bottled water. It's sure going to be hell when the persecution and head choppin' starts and I for one want to be prepared to go live in a cave until this whole thing blows over.

All in all, I feel pretty good today. after all. . . .

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it,
and I feel fine. . . .
REM

-d.

quitters never win

I sat down here to write. and I am dumbfounded, hence the previous post. However, a mother whose son is right now fighting in Iraq came to me and said, "What really upsets me, is that I took all this time to get [my son] registered, and his and all those young people's vote isn't even being counted. It's as if the people think that it's OK to send them over there, to get their arms and legs blown off - but their vote doesn't count. Their voice isn't heard."

Is there a dry eye?

Other than that, I'm pretty numb. I feel like I should be spending the day making contingency plans (hello, Canada!) or maybe just sleeping under a huge pile of blankets. I feel like I've been used and cheated and lied to (ha, as if that's not a familiar feeling.) and Yes, a little bitter I suppose. I really thought that my fellow countrymen were smarter than this. That the people have more compassion and common sense than this. That the people had risen to speak our peace, and in turn bring peace upon us. Apparently it is not to be so.

I feel defeated. and fear is upon me.

-d.

gah

w h a t

t h e

F U C K

?

regime change

at least we can hope, right?

I'm not sure if I got kicked from the Orchard or what. But I haven't been able to log on (or even view the website since this morning.) I'm sure it's just a crappy day for the LAN guys here at work or some other technical folly going on.

Maybe it's a conspiracy -- straight from Washington. heh.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Well, it's Super Tuesday. I am nervous/excited for the election results tonight. I voted via absentee ballot last week and so the excitement of the oncoming election has sort of left me near the end of last week. It all came back today.

I'm going to completely honest for a moment -- I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the outcome of this election and dire consequences that the outcome could hold for the American people and for the world. I'm afraid for our government and for our way of life.

but fear shall not conquer me. Because I stood. My voice was heard and my ballot counted.

stand and be counted too,
-d.

<>

The weekend was pretty calm - just some time well spent with my family. Actually, the highlight of the weekend home was twofold:

1) playing the mandolin for three hours on Saturday night with a local bluegrass band. I get to play fairly often with my grandfather and uncle, but their style of bluegrass is older than the hills and filled with endless repitions of G, C, and D chords. My grandfather is a true "Scruggs" style banjo player, making him really unique in today's realm of music but rendering the songs a bit hum-drum after a while. The fellas that I tinkered around with Saturday night have a distinctive blues sound to their music, and it really stretched my abilities to be able to follow and play along. The night made me realize that I'm better (on the mandolin) than what I give myself credit for. It's nice to surprise yourself every now and again!

and 2) catching Book TV's presentation of America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction in the middle of the night on C-SPAN 2. I just love those Daily Show guys. . .
. . . .
So, it's Monday and work's not too bad today. I guess we should be kind of light today - it's the first of the month and after all the work they dumped on our department last week, I imagine that they'll find someone else to dump on this week. And now I have time to piddle-paddle around the internet and waste time writing in this journal. Not that this journal is a waste of time. . .it's just that I'm wasting company time. . .ah, forget it.

I guess that I don't really have anything all that profound to say.

Happy voting tomorrow!
-d.